My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
