Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize