Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
