my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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