dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize