I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
