you guys were way drunker than both of me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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