you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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