At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
