Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
