Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
