Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
whose parrot is this?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
