Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
