I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
