Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
