Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
