watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
