I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize