I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
