pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
