Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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