Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
