Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
