She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
