Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
