what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
