I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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