So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
