Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
