I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
