We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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