i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
