why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
