You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
