I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
