Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize