i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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