After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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