i just had sex bonerless
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
