good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
