I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize