I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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