awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
