Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
