I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
