Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize