I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
