dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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