i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
