My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
