That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
