Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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