You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
