I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
