I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
