I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
