Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
