yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize