Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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