I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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