i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
