why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
