I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
