Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
