ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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