We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
