so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
