I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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