2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
