Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
