Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
