she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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