I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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