well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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