Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize