Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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