all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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