Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
