How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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