In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
