Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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