he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
