literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
