I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
