did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
