google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
