My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
