She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
