If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
